The postpartum period, or 4th Trimester, is often times the most feared and the most negatively discussed part of childbearing and childbirth. I get it, its uncomfortable, you’re likely in pain, and more tired than you have ever been before. BUT personally, many of my favorite memories were made during this period!
I had babies #3 & #4 in May of 2023, baby #2 in 2015, and baby #1 in 2010. It got easier and easier with each time, because you know what to expect (all discomfort is temporary AND the newborn stage goes by so fast, you know to soak it up) plus you are older and calmer. 20 year old Carmen had a much harder time with the 4th trimester than 33 year old Carmen!
I hope that by the end of this post you see that not only can you “survive postpartum,” but you can also find a way to enjoy postpartum. That 4th Trimester is magical and so full of love and magic.
Here are some things you can do to make it easier on yourself and ensure that you are soaking up all of those newborn moments, before they are gone:
- Have a plan for company
- Make sure you have soft, comfortable clothes
- Prepare a bathroom kit
- Remember breastfeeding has to be learned
- Remember sleeping is also learned
- Don’t rush back into anything, give yourself the gift of peaceful leisure
- Give yourself grace, and take all the pictures
1. Have a Plan for Company
Discuss it with your spouse, family, and friends what you want when it comes to visits in the hospital or at your home once the baby(ies) are here. This is completely personality driven, and there is no right or wrong answer.
You do whatever makes you feel comfortable, at peace and full of joy.
Come up with a plan with your spouse. Does company need to only come at certain times, or do they just need to shoot you a text when they are on the way over? Is there a limit to how many at one time you can handle being in your home, or do you come from a big family like us – and the more the merrier? Should you remind them that you aren’t cooking, so please bring food for everyone? Should you remind them to not come in their dirty work clothes/work boots?
We had LOTS company in those early days and weeks. Personally, there is nothing I love more than a full house. For three weeks straight after the twins were born, my entire family came over every day. They helped with cleaning, brought or cooked lunch/dinner, and helped with the babies in any way I needed.
My family being with us so much, is one of the main reasons I have always loved the post-partum period memories. So much joy and laughter, which is great for a healing body.
2. Make Sure You Have Soft, Comfortable Clothes
You need soft feeling, comfortable clothing while your body recovers.
I loved cotton dresses, night gowns, and oversized flannel button-down shirts. All of those were easy for me to breastfeed in and soft on my skin. I skipped the nursing bra’s most days, and instead wore thin, seamless, wireless, soft bralettes.
I am against using any sort of compression pants or belly wraps or binding of any sort. I know that some people swear by it, but in my experience (and professional opinion as a Personal Trainer) it is simply not necessary. The band on the maternity pants was all the support I needed to hold my loose skin and deflated stomach while things went back to normal(ish).
3. Prepare a Bathroom Kit
This looked a little different for me with each pregnancy/delivery/child, but the idea is to have everything you need in one central place already. Your bathroom trips are going to be very… eventful..
- A gentle hand soap for before and after. (My go to has always been Dove, original)
- Your peri-bottle and/or sitz bath. (I never liked a sitz bath, but many people swear by it).
- Dermaplast in the blue can, this is stuff is MAGIC.
- Hemorrhoid pads AND hemorrhoid cream. Do you need both? I don’t know, but using both of them at the same time was extra soothing.
- Pads or incontinence panties. (I always switched to reuseable period panties after the babies were a few days old).
- Extra undies and maybe even a whole extra outfit on standby, just in case.
- Face cleansing wipes and a good moisturizer. It goes a long way to making you feel really refreshed.
4. Remember that breastfeeding has to be LEARNED.
BREASTFEEDING is not easy. Is it worth it? 100% YES. But, it is not easy. It is something BOTH mommy AND baby have to learn how to do! For me, I had to re-learn with every baby, it was never just “easy.” With the twins, my son had to do SNS lactation aid feeding with a tube and a syringe for a while, so it was just a whole different level of struggle.
Once you and baby get over the learning hump, and both of you get more comfortable with the process, it really is easier. No bottles to prep or clean, no pumping to schedule and commit to, and nothing to remember to pack when leaving the house.
Some moms feel overwhelmed and stressed by being the only person who can feed and soothe their baby, but for me I counted it as a joy and a blessing. They are only little for a little while, and they need you less and less with each passing month and year. I LOVED that I was the only person who could be what they needed in this short season.
DO WHAT WORKS FOR YOUR PEACE AND JOY AND HEALTH. If breastfeeding is not for you, then don’t do it. However, if it is something you want to do, I promise if you stick with it – it only gets easier and easier as time goes on!
5. Remember that sleeping is also learned
This is an unpopular opinion, especially on Pinterest: but do whatever works for you and your baby. If contact sleeping/napping is working for all of you, then do that. If having the baby sleep in a bassinet next to your bed for 13 months is what gives you peace, then do that. If you feel ready to move them to their nursery at 3 months old, then do that. If putting them on a baby-wise schedule gives you a sense of control and freedom, then do that.
I preferred a more peaceful and leisurely approach. We nurse on demand, and they sleep when they are tired. I don’t practice letting them cry-it-out and we don’t adhere to a strict schedule.
You know what though? Eventually, my kids always put themselves on some sort of loose schedule all on their own. So, we still always had some predictability.
Baby wearing is the best thing ever. Get yourself a couple different options for carriers and let them hang out with you or contact nap on you while you go about your day. Your heartbeat and voice are a familiar comfort for them and having them close to you will promote more peace and less anxiety in you too.
Infants don’t realize they are their own person. They perceive themselves as an extension of their mother until they are four or five months old. They don’t just want you more than anyone else, they need you more than anyone else.
6. Don’t Rush Back Into ANYTHING; Give yourself the gift of peaceful leisure.
For the first several weeks, sleep as much as you want – take all the naps. I pretty much stayed in the bed the first week, and then hung out on the couch the next two weeks after that. Getting up for bathroom breaks, diaper changes, and meals will be enough daily activity. Other than that, just be still and enjoy contact naps and feeding your baby.
Don’t rush into baths/showers
Giving babies a bath is a whole process, do it if you want but it’s also okay if you don’t. A good daily wipe down (maybe even with some breast milk for their cradle cap) will do just fine. They seriously are not getting that dirty. Plus, their skin is still adjusting to the new world, so they need to keep those good oils on their skin.
Lounging in the same PJ’s for days at a time is totally acceptable for you and for babies. If you’re tired, skip the “everything” showers and don’t feel guilty about it. I didn’t shave my legs for weeks and I had a good dry shampoo, so I was able to go 10 days at a time between hair washes. Now, if a long exfoliating, shaving, hair washing, hair and face mask, and moisturize everything shower makes you feel like a refreshing spa visit – then by all means get after it. For me though, it felt like a draining workout.
Don’t rush into “real clothes”
I did not wear anything other than PJ’s and a robe for the first three or four weeks. Then I switched to cotton dresses and soft nursing friendly shirts, which wasn’t too far off from my PJ outfits.
Speaking of clothes…. remember those maternity pants I said I continued to wear? Don’t rush out of those either. I wore mine all the way up to the 6-8 month mark post-partum after each pregnancy with no regrets.
There is no need to rush your body back to “pre-pregnancy” size. No matter what you do (or don’t do) it usually takes about a year (sometimes two) for your body to recover. So, let go of that “bounce back” mentality. Give yourself grace and embrace the softness of your snuggly body.
You will change 14-17 diapers a day… for months (DOUBLE THAT FOR TWINS), not to mention outfit changes for blow outs or spit ups. Skip the complicated (albeit adorable) baby outfits and go for bamboo sleepers. 24/7 no matter where we went or what we were doing, it was sleepers or onesies for the babies.
Don’t rush the babies into a scheduled timeline for eat, sleep, play routine.
I am in the minority on this one, but on demand feeding and sleeping was the best thing I did for me and my babies during the post-partum period and beyond. The weight of a schedule was something I found stressful, so I let it go.
PLUS, on -demand nursing will help you on your breastfeeding journey. Not only because more reps means y’all get the hang of it faster, but also because breastfeeding is all about supply-and-demand – so the more you nurse, the more milk your body makes!
When you are ready to start getting back into your own routines, baby wearing will be a game changer. It allowed the family to return to normal(ish) daily activities, but let the babies continue to be unleashed from the demands of a strict schedule. Strap them to you and do your thing.
Pop Daily walks, taking the big kids to sports practices, grocery shopping, and exploring when traveling was all done with baby (or babies) strapped to me. Not only was it great snuggling for both me and the babies, but as an added bonus it was a little work-out too!
Don’t rush back into workouts trying to “bounce back”
*UNPOPULAR OPINION: I’ve spent 15 years working in the fitness industry as a Personal Trainer and I don’t believe you should rush back into working out. If you want to start a 4-6 weeks (and you have clearance from your doctor) sure, you can start… but don’t do it if you don’t want to!
Rocking and swaying babies, going for family walks and diaphragmatic breathing is all I believe are necessary for the first 4-6 MONTHS.
Don’t rush into housework
Let it go for a few weeks. The dishes, the laundry, and the floors. You likely went thru a nesting period and deep cleaned your house better than it has ever been done before. Don’t worry about the clutter or the mess right now. Opt for disposable dishes, cups, and paper towels.
Let your family worry about the household chores. No, they won’t do it the way you would, or as often as you would. Let it go and don’t worry about it, sis. Unless it is detrimental to someone’s health or safety, it is not worth your energy or peace.
Snuggling that baby and nursing (maybe sometimes non-stop for hours at a time) and constant contact napping is all that matters right now.
7. GIVE YOURSELF GRACE and take all the photos
Motherhood does not just come naturally to everyone AND you are adjusting to the hardest thing you have ever done before. Your body feels like its been ran over by a diesel truck after running a 25k marathon, you’re more sleep deprived than ever before, and your hormones are all over the place as they find their new normal after pregnancy.
You might struggle with your reflection, that’s okay and it’s normal. You might struggle with feeling like you lost yourself and you don’t know if you will ever be the same again. Thats also normal. The truth is, no, you will never be exactly the same again, BUT after some time (around that 1–2-year mark) you start “getting your pink back,” as they say, and you start becoming more YOU again.
Breastfeeding is hard, but gets easier with time. Sleep deprivation is wild, but eventually everyone will sleep longer stretches. Recovery is painful, but you WILL recover and the discomfort will be a distant memory.
TAKE ALL THE PHOTOS and videos. I have thousands of photos and videos of my four kids, and still I constantly feel like its not enough. This time really does go by so fast, and you are sleep deprived and maybe even struggling with some PPD, so you will forget so much of it. I promise you will want to have photos and videos to look back on.
Snuggle that baby, no – you won’t spoil them. Sniff their little heads and hold their little hands. This is the only time in their lives where you get to be their whole world.
xoxo Carmen