Are you ready to find out the secret to a healthy, enjoyable, and rewarding life with your spouse? Go ahead and PIN this now, just in case you’re reading gets interrupted! You’re definitely do not want to miss this life-changing marriage advice. Let’s make that relationship unbreakable .
If you stumbled upon this page, it is because you care about the health of your relationship! You agree that this is a relationship worth investing time, energy and money into. You got married with the intention of spending your life with this person, and you want make sure it’s a hell of a good life.
OH, the honeymoon phase. It’s a term commonly coined for the early days and months of a new commited relationship. It is a time marked with lust, excitement, and hopefulness that feels the air so thick it is palpable by outsiders.
Attention, quality time, and curiosity are at an all-time high during this time. Both partners are energetically looking toward the future they are building together, and yea, maybe they are a little naïve about some of the hardships life will throw their way.
Is it possible to keep that fire going once life’s stressors settles in and complicates things with career demands, parenting, finances, and maybe even health problems?
I am here to tell you IT IS. You can absolutely keep the excitement and joy alive in your marriage long after the “honeymoon phase” is over, it just takes a little intention and commitment.
So let’s dive into the three things that will help you steer clear of the roommate phase, protect your marriage from discontentment, and solidify the spiritual bond you share with each other.
The Happy Marriage Secret Sauce
- Maintain continuous healthy dialogue. Chat it up!
- Regularly weave excitement and adventure into your relationship. Have fun together!
- Be intentional about making daily space for intimacy. Lots of sexy time!
Maintain Continuous Healthy Dialogue
CHAT IT UP! Talk to each other; keep a continuous healthy dialogue flowing. This seems almost too simple to list on here, but we have found so many couples are not doing this! Couples need to spend time doing lots of talking and lots of time attentively listening to their partner.
Be interested in your spouse and get curious. We assume that we already know everything about them, but the truth is we are always growing and evolving. Make sure you are evolving with them.
Make sure you talk about more than just grocery lists, home management tasks and the kids schedules. Talk about politics, religion, aliens, sex, pop culture, kids, finances, your dream home, traveling, bucket lists, etc. Go from “remember when’s” to “I can’t wait until’s.” Intimately know their hopes, dreams, and visions of yall’s future together. Listen to their worries, and fears.
Get curious and stay curious about who they are right now and who they want to become. Agree, disagree, dispute, compromise. Seek understanding and acceptance instead of trying to “fix” or “solve” anything. Have the easy fun conversations regularly, and it will make the occasional, necessary hard conversations a little easier.
Here are a some ideas to get the ball rolling:
- send a text during the work day to let them know you are thinking of them
- remind them of one of your favorite memories together
- plan your next vacation together
- make a mutual bucket list
- discuss the podcast you just listened to
- get their take on a current controversial subject
- talk on the phone during your daily commute
- listen to the same audio book and then discuss it
Regularly Weave Excitement and Adventure Into Your Relationship.
HAVE FUN TOGETHER! This one is so important, and it is one I think a lot of couples forget to be intentional about. I am not talking about doing a boring weekly date night either. I am talking about doing something crazy, or challenging, or silly, or brave!
Again, be intentional.
Be adventurous with your spouse. Even better if it is a little bit physically challenging or thrilling, because the effort and the reward you achieve together will be even sweeter.
Travel to places you have never been, taste foods you have never had, do activities you have never done. Some of my favorite memories are the trips we have taken to explore this beautiful world together.
Heart pumping ideas:
- Sign up for a couples retreat
- Look up round trip airline tickets for a couple days and go to the cheapest one
- Sign up for a race to do together, and train up for it together! (We have done several Spartan races).
- Travel somewhere you have never been, and explore together
- Take a long hike
- Go kayaking down a river
- Workout together
- If you are into off roading, go try some new trails or rock climbing
- Tackle a home improvement project
Relaxing ideas:
- Move the furniture out of the way and do yoga together
- Complete a giant puzzle together
- Complete a paint by numbers canvas
- Cook a three course meal together
- Do a dessert or wine tasting at home
- Watch the sunset on the porch
Be intentional about making daily space for intimacy.
LOTS OF SEXY TIME! Be intentional about making sure your spouse gets intimate moments with you. It is a sexier exchange than you have with anyone else in your life, but does not necessarily have to be sex. Sensuality through play, touching, feeling and bonding will foster that feeling of aliveness when you are together.
If you are in a season where sex is off the table for whatever reason, try surprising your spouse with an unexpected passionate kiss. Be outlandish about it. Push them into a wall and slide your hands deep into their hair and kiss them deep and wild.
Then walk away and say nothing.
THIS podcast episode by DOAC talks about desire and sensuality in marriage. While I don’t agree with everything in the podcast, it was still a really good listen. (NSFW).
Although intimacy does not have to be intercourse, that does not mean you can forever skip the intercourse. Spoiler alert: sex and intimacy are imperative for a healthy marriage. Marital sex is about strengthening your bond through one-on-one time, attention, and yes physical touch. Have almost sex, good sex, bad sex, boring sex, lazy sex, mediocre sex; make it a sprint, a half marathon, or a full marathon; just make sure you’re doing it, often.
Sex and intimacy are imperative for a healthy marriage…
Yep, even when you don’t “feel” like it. It’s not about the act, it’s about the devotion and the bond that’s strengthened when you take time to focus on no one and nothing else but each other. It matters. Like water for plants, your marriage will not survive without it.
I can feel the eyes rolling at me right now for saying that. I get it, there are so many reasons you aren’t ever in the mood, and I am certain all of them are valid reasons you do not feel like you could want to put time and energy into being intimate with your spouse. BUT let me tell you (1) this is about BOTH of you, not just them and (2) it is highly likely that you will change your mind once y’all get started and (3) sometimes it’s just about being sexy rather than the act of sex.
Ps. If you struggle with being or feeling sexy or you don’t know how to tap into that – get playful; the “sexy” feeling will come eventually. Laughter (sometimes laughter that leads to tears) has helped break tension and anxiety that built up during a “dry season,” on many occasions so we can revive that familiar passion again. Your partner will enjoy any energy you put into having one-on-one time together.
There are hundreds of things you can do to create a happier marriage, but in our opinion – these are the three that do the best job to ensure you stay together AND that you have a good time doing it. Spend time talking and listening to one another, have adventures, and don’t skip the intimacy. Try being a little more intentional and implementing a little more of just one of these and see if you don’t feel a difference.
xoxo Carmen
We love to travel and love being outside; are always looking for our next adventure together. What is your favorite way to have fun with your spouse?
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